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If you're concerned about the dangers of Trans Fat, Saturated Fat and Animal Fats, this article should help you lighten up (pun intended).  While all of us should manage our fat intake, On Patrol With The Fat Police takes a look at how life might be when our fats are managed for us.  


by Charles Williams 

Prologue:    It was 2015 and the civil war between the fat people and the thin people had been over for five years.  Although outnumbered, the thin people had won because the fat ones did not possess the stamina to get off the couch and engage in a prolonged, hard fought battle.  After the war was over the thin government regulated all food and outlawed fats in an effort to control the eighty percent obesity level that had plagued the country for many years.  Along with regulating foods and fats it was legislated that no citizen could have more than a six percent body fat ratio.  Overnight, chubby people were turned into criminals and the fat trade went underground.  And for this purpose, the “Fat Police” were organized.  Their ranks were made up of thin zealots who could not be tempted with bribes of food or extra fat rations.  This then, is their story.

One:   It was the Saturday day watch out of the Spring Valley sub-station and the two grocery cops were on patrol near a local shopping complex when they spotted a mid-sized hydrogen powered SUV full of groceries.  They hit the lights and pulled the vehicle over.  One of the officers approached the driver while his partner stood off and watched his back.

“Do you know why we stopped you, sir,” asked the officer.

“No,” said the driver.

“We noticed through your back window that you have recently been to the super market.  We need to check your bags.  Please pop the rear hatch.”

“Okay,” the driver replied.

“What we’re going to do sir is check the serial numbers on your tomatoes and avocados as well as the other fruits and vegetables to make sure that they have all come from government approved hydroponics farms.  I also want you to tell me before we look if we are going to find any illegal substances when we check the car?  Do you have any trans or saturated fats or animal fats in the car?”

“Uh – no I don’t think so,” he replied nervously.

“Okay then step out of the vehicle please and come around back.” The driver opens the door and steps out.

“What’s this sticking out from under the driver’s seat?  It looks like greasy butcher paper – let’s see,” the officer remarks.  “Ah ha, bacon fat.  So, what were you going to do with this?  It looks like about five pounds.  That’s enough to cut and sell.”

“It’s not mine,” said the driver.”

“Yeah that’s what they all say, and what’s this?” the officer said as he pulled out a cast iron frying pan.  “Paraphernalia, it looks to me like you’re both using and selling.  Let’s see some identification.”  The cop reads the ID.  “Okay Jack Sprat you’re under arrest for possession of illegal fat for sale.  Put your hands behind your back while I place you in handcuffs and read you your rights.  Now I have to ask you if you are willing to submit to a body fat test,” and the officer pulls out his skin calipers.

“It’s not mine I tell you – I can eat no fat.  It’s for medicinal purposes for my wife who can eat no lean.  She has a prescription from her doctor.”

“Boy, now I’ve heard everything,” the officer responded.  “Watch your head while I place you in my car.”  Then the officer looks over at his partner and says, “Jack Sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean – these people will say anything.”

“Well what do you expect a fat pusher to tell you” the other officer responded.  What’s important is we got the dirt bag off the streets and probably saved a few arteries in the process.


About the Author:

Charles Williams was a health care professional for 27 years in the U.S. Coast Guard, worked 9 years in Risk Management, Health Benefits and Insurance and 6 years as a professional realtor, but I wouldn't call him retired.  Since then, he's used his vast experience and sharp wit to write numerous stories and articles and an action-packed adventure novel, Palawan.  You can learn more about Charles Williams at his website

Complete Health:

If you're concerned enough about your health to search for advice and information on nutrition, you're probably interested in total health...mind, body and spirit.  The three are related.  While we can support our physical and mental health, God's help is required for spiritual health.  If you want God's help with your health, go to Healing From God.

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